Igniting Flames

Jonathan wasn’t sure where this relationship was going.

He was a man, a straight man. He was very sure about this because he had a major crush on a girl before. She was the one who came to him, changed her class timetable to suit his, so she’d be in all the same classes as him. It was while coaching her in French she’d confessed her love to him and they became a couple.

Ah, if only he knew how obsessively jealous she’d get the moment another girl came as much as saw him. She would instantly run over and either grab his hand and tell her off or just randomly start talking to him, simply ignoring the other girl. She was the only girl he could ever talk to.

This rule was why he got away with becoming close buddies with his best friend’s wife’s best friend, Robert. They had met in college when Michel and Laura were still at odds with each other, but soon became friends. The wedding preparations brought Jonathan and Robert even closer.

But then, they kissed. They were alone in a room at the resort of the wedding and they kissed. It didn’t do much except give pleasure to Robert, but it literally changed Jonathan’s whole worldview. He’d kissed a woman, his ex-girlfriend, before, but never a man.

And it completely blew him. Like a breath of fresh air. Well, wind.

The next thing he knew, they were going to each other’s house, being intimate, going on dates…

And then, it hit him: Jonathan was going out with a man.

Robert had long announced to the whole society that he was gay. And he wasn’t afraid of anything or anybody, either. There were some who feared him, some who tolerated him, some who respected him.

But Robert wasn’t known for dating anybody at all – no, Jonathan was the first person he’d ever asked out voluntarily.

One Sunday when they were to go out, Jonathan gulped. On an impulse, this was the message he sent:

Sorry, can’t make it tonight.

To his astonishment, there was an instant reply:

Okay.

He was both delighted and upset about it: ‘Ugh, I suppose it’s just as well that I cancelled it. I suppose he won’t ask again. Must’ve lost interest in me.’ For the life of him, he didn’t understand why he felt upset about a man losing interest in dating him, when he himself felt it unnatural.

Two hours passed by as he brooded over Robert’s response, wondering whether to call or text him to demand answers to his questions. And whether or not he had to do anything about it, in the first place.

Then, the doorbell rang.

It didn’t do anything to ease his mood, though he walked out of his room to open the door.

There, across of the threshold, was Robert, grinning for all he was worth.

His jaw dropped. “What… are you doing here?”

Robert pursed his lips. “Can I come inside?”

“Oh. Y-yes, yes… s-s-sure.” He managed to will himself to step aside, so the other man could enter. He shut the door and bolted it. “S…so…. what’s… what’s up?”

“Why am I here, you mean?” The younger man grinned. “I’m here to check on you.”

The older man blinked, tongue-tied.

“Why? Because you suddenly cancelled the date to-day. I was wondering if you were sick.”

He sighed, resigned. “I suppose you know the truth now,” he said softly.

“Truth?” He looked the other man up and down thrice. “Sure. I do.”

“I’m sorr –”

“You are sick!”

Jonathan looked up, shocked. “What?!”

Robert grinned knowingly. “I know what’s going on in your head. You’re not very easy to read, no, but I can literally hear the guilt screaming in your adorable eyes.” He stepped forward; the other man stepped back. “Is it really that scary for you to date a man?”

Jonathan gave a nervous half-smile. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Embrace that… gay part of yours.”

“Just that—embrace it. I know you’re probably attracted to boys ­and­ girls – so what? Doesn’t make you less of a human.” He cleared his throat. “Did you see Michel or Laura seeing me any funny? My mother?”

Jonathan hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise to me—apologise to yourself! You can’t keep suppressing yourself forever! And I’m not saying this because I want you – but because – well, not just because I want you. Yes, I find you’re the hottest man for me.”

Now, he looked sceptical. “Really?”

“Have you looked into a mirror?! Look, all I want is for you to embrace your gay. Answer me this: Do you find yourself attracted towards me? Like with Luna?”

He shook his head. “Attractive, yes, but not like Luna.” He paused. “More like…” He thought about it, “like you’ll take to a place completely opposite to the one she took me to.”

“Would you like me to have more people around me whom I feel that way with?”

Jonathan shook his head.

“Would you like it if we sometimes did things alone together?”

He nodded.

“Would you like to be with me forever? Commit to it – like a wedding?”

He cracked a smile. “I hope so. Gosh, those words coming out of your mouth… I want to do everything you want to do!”

Robert smiled. “Then, I think you should embrace your gay. That is, if that’s what you want.”

It was after Robert left, an hour later, that Jonathan sat down thinking.

His mind was working the younger man’s words over and over.

What did he really want?

After some thought, he had an answer: ‘Fried rice.’ Then, mentally kicked himself. ‘I’m obviously hungry.’

He went into the kitchen, brought out the fried rice from the fridge from the previous night, and sat down at the table with a spoon. As he ate, one thing face floated in his mind… one face that unconsciously filled him with passion and desire…

He finished the entire bowl, before he started thinking again:

‘What do I really want? That’s the question, right? It’s simple…’

Before he could think – really think – of another answer, before he could realise what conclusion his thoughts came to, before he could retract that answer and go back to his dilemma, he picked up his phone and dialled the second number he found in his recent contacts list. He pressed the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

Sheer nervousness began to raise its ugly head as Jonathan started thinking more than he should. The gears of his mind started working again, but he suppressed them.

“Hello, Robert?”

“Yes, Jonathan, please tell me.”

“Come back here. I need to tell you something.”

“What? Can’t you tell me now on the phone? I’ve just come back home – it’s far too far for the journey to be made immediately.” A pause. “Sorry.”

“That’s all right. You’re home? I’ll come to you.”

“Uh – I –”

Jonathan didn’t wait to hear: he was going to Robert’s home, anyway; he could chat there. He put on a coat and gloves, snatched his scooter and house keys from their wooden hanger by his room, and rushed outside, locking the door behind him with just a slam. The lift wasn’t on his floor, but he didn’t want to waste precious time by waiting. He almost leapt down the stairs, along the pathway leading towards the apartment gate, and came to a crashing halt.

There, on the opposite side, stood a dark blue convertible that was characterised by “In the end, it doesn’t even matter” painted on the side.

Jonathan panted as stared at the driver inside this car, panting from all the running he did.

And when he couldn’t simply drink in the sight any longer, he ran forward, towards the car. He pulled the handle and, to his surprise, it broke free from its hatch, He said:

“Okay, don’t hate me for this.” Leaned forward and kissed him.

Robert was stunned, but that lasted only for five seconds. He instantly pushed the other man away, enough to be able to get out, panting. He nodded towards the car, rasping. “Get in!”

Jonathan obeyed and soon, the younger man was driving away from the apartment to a deserted section of the road that had a large empty compound that was due construction the following year.

Robert parked the car and cut off the engine. “What’s happened to you?” he asked calmly, staring out the window straight ahead.

“I… I’ve come to realise… that… I don’t care about my sexuality. I like you a lot and right now, I want to be with you. It’s all that matters to me. I want you.”

Robert opened his door. “Get behind.”

Jonathan did so. Robert got in beside him and shut the door. “Are you sure? You’re not forcing yourself here, are you?”

“Absolutely sure.”

Robert gave a naughty grin. Flames in his inner wick ignited as he pounced on the older man and kissed him hard.

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This post is a part of ‘Out and About Blog Hop’ hosted by Manali Desai and Sukaina Majeed.